Parshas Devarim

Liyluy Nishmas Elchonon Tzvi ben R' Yisroel Menachem.. In perek beis Psukim gimmel through Heh Hashem commands Klal Yisrael not to start up with the descendants of Esav, and the psukim says as follows. " Rav lachem sov es hahar hazeh pinu lachem tzafona, v'es ha'am tzav leimor atem ovrim bigvul acheichem bnei Esav....al tisgaru bam" "Enough of you circling this mountain, turn yourselves northward and command the people as follows, you arecrossing into the border of your brothers, the descendants of Eisav.....Do not incite them". The Medrash Rabah explains that Eisav's zchus to deserve to be left alone was his tremendous kibud av that he had for his father Yaakov avinu. The is another Medrash Rabah that brings down as follows. Rav Shimon ben Gamliel said that most children did not give honor to their fathers as well as he did, but he did not do it as well as Esav. Rab shimon ben Gamliel
 would wear his old and worn clothing when he served his father, and would change into his fancy ones when he went to the Shuk while Esav did the opposite. The Rosh Yeshivah ztl asks a seemingly obvious question. If Rav Shimon ben Gamliel understood that what seperated Esav's kibud av from his own was just the fact that Esav wore his fancy clothes to serve his father while he wore his rags, than why didn't he just take that step and also wear his fancy clothes when tending to his fathers needs? The Rosh Yeshivah explains that this is a rayah to the yesod of Slabodka mussar, of understanding where we are holding and try to grow normally without trying to change ourselves into something we are not holding by. " Tafasta m'ruba lo tafasta " if you try to grab too much, many times you will end up with nothing at all, however sometimes even if we do not end up with nothing, we may end up
 mistakingly thinking we have reached the top and will have issues with gaivah and may have no drive to grow more, which in the end will cause us to fall. This is why Rav Shimon be Gamliel did not try to go the extra mile. He knew that it was a good thing to do, but he also understood that he was not holding by it and doing it just to match Esav would not have been a healthy step. We know it is important to always be growing but at the same time to make sure to understand where we are holding and not try to overdue it... Good Shabbos